Please marry well if you're going to marry. Because divorce is expensive. Regret is exhausting. And wasted years are irreplaceable. Here are 8 non-negotiables before you say I do.
Don't marry for potential. Don't marry because everyone else is doing it. Don't marry because you've been together for years and feel like it's the next step. Don't marry because you're afraid of being alone or starting over or losing time invested. Marry because this person, exactly as they are right now, is someone you want to build a life with.
Because divorce isn't just expensive financially, it costs you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. It drains you in ways money can't measure. And regret? Regret is waking up years later realizing you ignored every red flag, every gut feeling, every warning sign because you were too invested to walk away. That regret follows you into every relationship after.
And wasted years? You don't get those back. You don't get back the version of yourself that existed before you were broken down by the wrong person. You don't get back the opportunities you missed because you were busy trying to fix something that was never meant to work.
So here's what you need before you say "I do":
1. Shared values, not just shared interests. You can love the same music and still want completely different lives. Make sure you align on what actually matters โ faith, family, money, children, life priorities.
2. Consistent character, not just good behaviour. Anyone can act right when things are easy. Watch how they handle stress, conflict, and disappointment. That's who you're actually marrying.
3. Emotional maturity, not just emotional availability. They need to communicate, take accountability, regulate their emotions, and work through conflict without shutting down or exploding.
4. Financial responsibility, not just financial potential. How they handle money now is how they'll handle it married. If they're reckless, entitled, or financially irresponsible now, a wedding won't fix that.
5. Respect, not just love. Love without respect is toxic. If they dismiss your feelings, belittle your opinions, or disrespect you in small ways now, marriage will magnify that.
6. Action, not just words. Don't marry promises. Marry proof. Marry someone whose actions consistently match what they say. Words are easy. Follow-through is everything.
7. Healthy conflict resolution, not avoidance or explosiveness. You will disagree. You will have hard conversations. Make sure you're marrying someone who can handle conflict without running, stonewalling, or making you the villain for bringing up problems.
8. They choose you consistently, not conditionally. You shouldn't have to earn their love, effort, or presence. They should choose you on good days and bad days. When you're easy and when you're difficult. Consistently. Without question.
If these aren't in place, don't walk down that aisle. Don't ignore what you see, hoping marriage will change it. Don't settle because you're tired of being single or afraid you won't find better.
Because divorce is expensive. Regret is exhausting. And wasted years are irreplaceable.
Marry well. Or don't marry at all. Your future self will thank you.